Sunday 27th May 2012 - leaving Nilaveli to go to Arugam Bay

Today I decided to leave Nilaveli. Despite being so beautiful, the wind for the last couple of days has made it very difficult to enjoy the beach. Apparently the wind is supposed to settle in the next couple of weeks so maybe I will come back if I have nothing else to do.  I called Mohan and asked him to drop me to the bus station. He insisted on making me eat before dropping me and bought me a big bottle of water to take on the bus.  The bus driver told me that it would only take 3hours to get to Arugam Bay so you can imagine how ecstatic I was to arrive 8hours and 3 buses later. I wasn't expecting such a long journey and to make matters worse, for around 4 hours I was on one bus cramped in the corner at the back on the bus unable to put my feet on the floor because I had been pushed into the seat behind my backpack! When the bus stopped for a break I made sure that I moved over so that I was next to my bag and not behind it because my legs were killing me. Still matters weren't any better because the two ladies and two children next to me decided to buy these orangey yellowy fruit things that look like m&ms and were eating them and spitting the seed on my feet! Firstly that is nasty because I don't want some random person's spit covered seeds on me but also, is it really difficult to put the damn seeds in a bag and put them in a bin. It really doesn't look too attractive either - male or female! I really don't understand this about a lot of the Sri Lankans - they not only spit their seeds all over the floor on the buses, they also eat roasted monkey nuts and throw the shells everywhere, and worse still throw all their rubbish on the streets not only from the bus but just in general - a lot of the people don't respect the environment and throw their rubbish everywhere. Beaches have litter everywhere in most places in Asia and it is usually the locals that are the culprits.  Ok so enough of my rant! So after eating loads of these yellowy fruit things the little girl starts feeling sick and vomits twice!! Sexyyyy!!! The lady then leans over me with the vomit filled bag and throws it out of the window causing a backspray of vomit to land on my arm. It's all an experience right?!! Anyway, I arrived at Pottuvil and caught a tuk tuk to the lonely planet recommended guesthouse - Beach Hut. My tuk tuk driver was recommending somewhere else insisting that I stay there instead but I was adamant that I was going to stay at Beach Hut because of the great things I had read. It was dark by the time we arrived at Beach Hut and pretty scary walking around these beach side huts with little light. To my tuk tuk driver's dismay, I settled for a cabana for Rs.500 but said that if I wasn't happy then I would let him know and change places. The cabana was perched in the trees on the beach and had just a bed with a mosquito net and a table with a fan. To my dismay the fan was not working so I had to sleep with the windows wide open. The atmosphere at Beach Hut was great and the waiters were really friendly. A couple from Denmark started talking to me which was cool but then other people came along and it was very cliquey so I just left and went to bed. I had been sleeping for maybe 20minutes when I heard a rustling noise coming from under the window next to the table. I turned the torch on my phone on and shone it in the direction of the noise and realised it sounded like it was coming from my bag. I kept watching for a few minutes when to my complete shock a rat jumped out over my bag. I then thought oh no, my zip must be open! I then reached over to my bag and pulled it when there was "squeal squeal squeal" and three rats jumped out. I had not left my bag open but they had bitten holes in my bag to get to an open bag of devilled gram (chilli chickpeas) that were inside. I couldn't believe it. I picked up my bag, scared that some rats were going to jump out at me, and reached in and pulled out the bag of food and threw it straight out the open window. I was still scared the rats might try and come so I brought the bag onto the bed with me and put the mosquito net tightly around the bed and tried to go back to sleep. I then keep feeling irritating sensations on my body so I turn on my light and see red ants on the bed with me - some small, some big. I took my water bottle and started squashing them! I was laying back down for maybe ten more minutes when I felt something on my leg. I jumped up and saw a frikin rat!!! The nasty vermin was crawling on me over the mosquito net obviously trying to get to my bag again. I wanted nothing more than to leave that damn hotel!!! I jumped up and turned on the light and then slept with it on all night - I alWso texted the tuk tuk driver saying I wanted to leave this hotel the next morning. 

Saturday 26th May 2012 - Nilaveli, Sri Lanka

Today was pretty boring. All I did was get up and go into Trincomalee to buy some more sun cream because I had ran out already. Once back at my room I just chilled for the whole day in my room. 

Friday 25th March 2012 - Nilaveli, Sri Lanka

Mohan was supposed to meet me at 9am to go to the waterpark with me but he didn't come. I am not chasing anyone so I just left my hotel and made me own way. I then got a call once I arrived saying he was coming. I went into the mouth of a shark to the ticket office where there was a man standing with ladies tucked away in a hole in the wall. When I asked the price to enter it seemed as though the man just picked a price from the top of his head so I asked for a receipt to make sure I wasn't being bumped - apparently the printer wasn't working (very convenient!). I then walked towards the end of the shark and into the "waterpark" and heard the man and the ladies laugh which bugged me because i felt they were laughing at me.  The "waterpark" was basically not finished! There were men all over the place digging and there was no water running down the slides! Being a female in a bikini in a place with builders everywhere did not appeal to me at all - there were also no other people in the park! I had read a sign before entering saying there were sun loungers and lockers - I couldn't see either so I walked back into the sharks mouth and asked the man if any of the slides actually worked. He told me to walk with him and was saying something I didn't understand so I then asked him where the lockers were- he told me there were no lockers and I could leave my things in the office. Then I asked about the loungers - another lie. No loungers.  I had heard and seen enough and asked for my money back and left. I got a tuk tuk into Trincomalee to go and see the natural harbour - it is supposed to be one of the world's finest natural harbour but I didn't really get the hype. Afterwards I just got a bus back to Nilaveli and chilled on the beach. I had literally hidden behind a wood hut on the beach to one, avoid being hassled by men, and two to hide from the sand that was being blown around everywhere. I was in the sea when a man came out of nowhere and started talking to me. His name was Dushi. He talked with me for a while asking if I wanted to go for a drink with him. Eventually he left but then came back like half an hour later and laid towel next to me. He was kind of funny I guess and kept throwing sand on me and singing 'James Blunt - you're beautiful'. He was making all these plans for us - he wanted to come to Arugam Bay with me, tonight we would go for dinner, tomorrow Uppaveli! I just kept replying "maybe". He asked for my number but I lied saying I didn't know it so took his. Then he told me to call him - I lied and said I had no credit! He was persistent!! Eventually I said I was leaving and he was like 'call me tonight'! Blah blah blah! I didn't call him! Instead I called Mohan and we went to Seaview hotel and drank beer until about 10pm then he dropped me back at my hotel.

Thursday 24th May 2012 - Nilaveli, Sri Lanka

I felt rough as hell this morning from the beer so although Mohan told me he was coming to meet me at 9am, I sent him a message saying not to come. I eventually told him to come at about 11am. It was weird what this relationship had become. Mohan insisted on dropping me everywhere but didn't want money and I always ended up in the back of the tuk tuk while he went about his errands. He told me he hadn't been working for the passed 3days since I was here because he wants to see me. He was a really cool guy though and always laughed out loud when men on the streets or in passing vehicles saw me and started shouting at me to get my attention. Last night Mohan and I had agreed to go to the waterpark but by the time we met he had to stay in the area to pick up the school kids. I ended up going in the tuk tuk with him to get petrol in Trincomalee and then driving back to pick up the kids again. The kids were so excited when they saw me in the tuk tuk again and this time the loud girl wanted to sit on my lap. I was dropped off on the rounds and then headed to the beach. The beach was not nice today as the wind was so strong, making the sand blow everywhere, and the current quite strong. I just went and chilled on the hotel grounds on a sun lounger. I ate dinner at the hotel in the evening - prawn curry with rice. The prawns were huge but who wants to put their fingers in boiling hot curry to remove the shells!!? Also despite the fact that the flavour of the curry was really nice, I was really put off because they had removed the poo from the prawn also. Nasty! I sat there with a fork scraping it out.  The manager asked if I liked the food but I told him that it was not good that firstly the whole shell is still on (but that is down to preference i guess) and secondly that they didn't slice the shell to remove the poo. I could also tell that the prawns were not fresh and had been frozen but I kept that one to myself as they were a really quiet hotel with few guests meaning that buying fresh would result in them having to throw a lot away.  After my food I sat outside my room listening to music when the owner of the place came and sat next to me and we spoke for hours. He was a nice man. He told me of the times he had spent in England and reminisced on Marks and Spencers and their amazing St Michael's Byron shirts.  We also spoke about the war in Sri Lanka and the effect on his hotel - apparently the hotel had to close for thirty years. At first he had people guarding the hotel but the proximity of the war zone was too close for comfort so they had to leave - resulting in people looting everything from the hotel. Then when it was safe to return the tsunami happened and destroyed the hotel. When I realised he owned the place I just asked him to confirm that it was the case and he humbly replied "No god is the owner as he can take it from at anytime - I just look after the place".  I thought this was a sad reality but it was a great attitude to have and would prevent pain. He was Muslim but these words rung very closely to the Buddhist teachings of non-attachment to avoid suffering. We then got onto religion and the fact that religions are all the same and that people of each faith are all on different roads to the same destination but they don't realise. They listen to what has been told to them about different religions but don't try to find out for themselves by reading about the different teachings. I really enjoyed my talk with him and went to sleep feeling refreshed. 

Wednesday 23rd May 2012 - Nilaveli, Sri Lanka

I was packing my things up when there was a call telling me to come outside - Mohan was there talking with the managers.  He saw that I was packing and asked why - I explained to him about the buddha man and he apologised for bringing me here asking me why I didn't text him and tell him. He said he would drive me to the next place although it was literally two minutes around the corner. He dropped me there and asked me what I was doing for the day. I told him I was going to head to Trincomolee because I needed deodorant and shower gel but he insisted on taking me for no charge.  First though he said he wanted to show me something - he then drove me to see the nearby lagoon and bridge for me to see. Next he tried to tell me the next place he was taking me but the language barrier meant I had no idea what he was saying but it turns out it was hot natural wells. Again, he insisted on paying and was acting really sweet saying he missed me yesterday. There was definitely some chemistry going on.  The wells were nice but the heat meant that the last thing you wanted was hot water but it was still nice to see and Mohan insisted on pouring the hot water on my feet and at one point was holding a bucket ready to throw the whole thing over me!!! Anyway, whilst there I got talking to the only other person there who was a lady from London. She was travelling on her also and asked me if i was finding it difficult travelling alone as a female in Sri Lanka. We exchanged horror stories. She said she was going to come to my hotel after I convinced her that Nilaveli was better than Uppaveli.  After seeing the wells Mohan and I stopped for freshly made lime juice before heading to Trincomalee. I got my bits and pieces and then we started heading back as he had work - picking up the local kids from school. We were running late so he said I would have to stay in the tuk tuk with the kids. Oh my god, they were the cutest little munchkins ever!! There were like 7 of them bundled into the tuk tuk next to me but they were little - they must have been about five years old or younger. I tried to tell one of them to sit on my lap but they were too shy. They all just giggled whispering and staring at me and one girl who was really forward and not shy at all was right up in my face.  He dropped me off on the round of dropping off the munchkins and said he was coming back at 5pm for me. I sat outside my room updating my blogs for hours before getting ready.  5pm came but he wasn't here so I tried calling him but nothing. I decided I was going to walk to the five star resort that was 2km down the road to use their wifi to upload my blogs. I had been walking for about 30minutes when my phone started ringing - it was Mohan asking me where I was. He seemed shocked when I told him I was walking and told me to stop and he was coming for me - I told him where I was heading as continued walking. A man on a motorbike pulled up next to me asking me the usual questions. Then a few more metres up the road a man on a push bike started riding next to me, again same questions. Then a tuk tuk driver asking me where I was going and then Mohan. I jumped into the back and he dropped me to the hotel insisting that I don't walk on my own and call him when I am leaving and he will come and get him. I insisted that I would walk but he asked if I knew karate or if I had a knife - apparently i would need it because the road was covered with lots of drunk men at night! Ok, he won!!  I sat in the bar at the Nilaveli beach resort, which was a beautiful 5-star resort, and paid to use their wifi. I was ecstatic when I got to Skype both my sister and Lahari! When Mohan came to collect me he asked me if I wanted beer (I had told him many times before that I just wanted a cold beer but that nowhere sells!). I was like Hell Yeh!!  He pulled up at a stall on the side of the road next to another tuk tuk where three guys were sitting - they were Mohan's friend. Mohan got me juice from the stall (it was also run by his friends) which had bits of pineapple in. We then left and drove to a hotel where Mo also knew the people. He just strolled right into the kitchen and pulled out two beers for us and handed over some cash to the guys who were joking around with him about me in Tamil. We came back to my hotel and just chilled in the gardens drinking our beer and talking. One beer is apparently all you need to get the truth out of men these days! Another god damn guy that lied about not being married! Idiot!! I don't understand! So he had been married for three-years and had a daughter but apparently he and his wife had been separated for two months and she had left him and gone to Jaffna. I don't know what he was trying to achieve but I told him that it was not cool and that if he was under the impression that I was going to get involved then he was wrong. He was like, no we get divorced blah blah blah!  Although there was chemistry I am not looking for anything but friendship anyway so what the lying achieves is besides me!  Anyway, we chilled until about 11pm when the manager told him it was late and he should go. 

Tuesday 22nd May 2012 - Nilaveli, Sri Lanka

I didn't sleep too well last night and kept waking up to the sound of snoring - the walls must be seriously thin or the person snores ridiculously loud. I finally got out of bed around 8am, did some yoga and then washed some of my clothes before heading to the beautiful beach.  I don't think it is the most beautiful beach I have ever been on and the water isnt as clear as say Koh Nyanguan in Thailand but I think I enjoyed the beach more than any others I had any been on. I think maybe because the water is not silly shallow water for miles but proper water that you can swim in. Also unlike other beaches I had been on the water was so refreshing meaning that I probably spent as long as four hours in the water alone. I loved that I could see everything around me which meant I wasnt scared. Also there was a really nice breeze which made me recognise where the term "ocean spray" came from - there  were small waves that gently swept along the shore but the wind blew against the waves as they were rolling onto the sand causing a refreshing back spray into the water. If you were close enough the spray rained onto you.  It was just pure bliss. I rolled around in the water like a big kid laughing to myself and feeling such a contented enjoyment and appreciation for the paradise I was in. At one point the waves caught me off guard and had me doing roley -poleys onto the beach! I can't lie it hurt a bit but I laughed hysterically.  Occasionally a man or two would come along trying to sell me a snorkelling trip or something but they were all very friendly and not too forceful.  I left the beach around 5pm and walked towards my hotel. On the way I could see two little puppies in a field who started yapping at me. They were too cute trying to scare me so I stood there trying to get them to come to me. They slowly edged closer and closer yapping reluctantly the whole time and then within ten minutes I had both of them on the floor giving them belly rubs.  When I got back to my accommodation the buddha man was there once again telling me he was hungry. I asked him for the money he owed me and he dismissed me saying that the owners had the money and I could get it tomorrow. In the morning I had gone to a hotel closer to the beach for breakfast and the manager said he would give me a room for Rs.1500. It was Rs.100 more than the place I was staying but actually, given that the buddha man was refusing to give me the Rs200 you might as well say I was paying that price anyway. The manager had shown me the rooms which were a lot nicer and no where near as dingy as where I was staying and also there was a large outside area, including a table and chairs outside my door, where I could chill rather than sitting inside trying to avoid the buddha man. I decided I would move there tomorrow morning and told the buddha man. He told me again he would sleep outside my room - again I thought he was joking until I heard him pull out a chair at the table outside my room. I could hear him all evening tottering around outside my room and then the snoring started again..,.It was him!!! He literally was sleeping outside my room and had been the night before too. Too weird! I was glad to be leaving there tomorrow.  I got a text from Mohan saying he was coming to get me in the morning at 9am. 

Monday 21st May 2012 - leaving Jaffna heading to Trincomalee

After waking up at 4.30am I jumped in a tuk tuk to the bus station to catch my bus to Trincomalee.  Trincomalee was one of the places that had been recommended to me by nearly every local I had spoken to. As far as I knew it had one of the world's finest natural harbours. The bus fare was Rs289 and would take me around 6hours. My biggest mistake here was sitting at the front of the bus closest to the stairs as I was constantly being stood on my people getting on and off the bus. What was worse was that a very large lady decided to sit next to me squashing me right up to the arm rest. She took up maybe 80% of the seat and I could feel the arm rest bruising my leg.  After maybe three hours I eventually moved to another seat and did some reading on Trincomalee. Apparently there was a beautiful beach close by called Nilaveli which would make a good base for exploring the area. I was sold.  The bus took me to Trincomalee bus station and the driver kindly asked me where I was going and pointed me to the right bus to get.  The conductor told me where to get off the bus but once off the bus I was literally on a deserted dirt road with a sign pointing towards a very expensive looking hotel. I was just about to pull out my book when a smiley guy in a tuk tuk pulled up next to me asking me where I was going. I replied with the usual answer that I don't know but I need a cheap guesthouse. He told me he saw me getting off the bus and knew that this hotel was not what I wanted! Ermmm, thanks?! I obviously look like a proper traveller now. He told me to put my things into the tuk tuk and he would show me some places. He took me to one place where there was one bungalow that had a couple staying there but he said I would get the other room - the couples' things were everywhere and I didn't want to impose and I think Mohan could see that so he said come, there is another place. The next place he took me was locked up. He used his phone to call the number on the sign outside and was told to wait five-minutes and then along came an old man with an umbrella. Mohan made me crack up by saying that the guy looked like the Buddha. The room here was basic but a bit dingy and would cost me Rs.1400 per night. I gathered that was the rough price around here so I just agreed to stay there.  I asked Mohan where I could get suncream but he told me I would have to go all the way back to Trincomalee and that he would take me there and back for Rs.500 - apparently it was usually Rs.1200 for just one way. He had been nice so I agreed - I dropped my stuff in the room and walked towards the tuk tuk but he said "now?! I can't go now! 5pm!" It was now 3pm so I headed towards the beach to have a quick look seeing as I had no suncream. The beach was beautiful - a lot like the beach in Jaffna where I had been chased but a bit more occupied. There were a couple of hotels meaning that there would always be someone close by. It was really hot so I just stopped at one of the hotels to have a cold drink before heading back to get showered. When I got back to the guesthouse the buddha made me fill out a form and pay for the room - he had no change so couldn't give me my Rs.200 so I said he should give it to me later. His response was "I keep, I am poor man!" I said no, you pay later. I couldn't believe the cheek. He had already told me he has 10 children, one of which was a married girl of my age with a child - why was she not feeding him and why was he popping out children like a rabbit if he couldn't afford to feed himself.  I just got showered and then fell asleep until there was a knock on my door at 5pm from Mohan.' v.   So the deal was that he was 28years old, not married and no kids because he had been working in Qatar for the past 5years. He had only come back to Sri Lanka five months ago. He was Tamil and Hindu and had two older sisters and one younger brother.  I was under the impression we were just going to find suncream but he pointed towards a temple at the top of some rocks and said we were going there too. I thought that was really sweet. As usual we drove past many military check points before reaching the temple and then once at the temple we had to check our shoes in before proceeding towards the temple.  The temple was really nice and was situated on the top of a cliff with the sea down below. We stopped to look over the cliffs and Mohan pointed out a fishermen boat that had stopped below -there were two men praying up to the temple and banging on their boat - apparently they were seeking blessings from God before heading out fishing.  Once inside the temple Mohan prayed and rubbed red powder on his forehead and neck. The funny thing was that when I asked him what it was for he realised he didn't actually know but that he had always seen other people doing it since he was little so he just followed. I teased him for a while as we walked around!  After looking at the temple we first picked up our shoes, which Mohan insisted on paying for, and then walked back towards the tuk tuk passed a street lined with stalls. Mohan asked me if I liked jewellery, seeing as I wasn't wearing any, and then stopped to look at necklaces on one of the stalls. He pointed at a wooden beaded necklace and asked if I liked before buying the necklace for me.  We got back in the tuk tuk to start the mission for suncream. The search for suncream was ridiculous. The problem was that I had bought some in Jaffna but it had given me heat rash for the first time on this trip. It was a Sri Lankan brand called Fun + Sun so my mission was to find a brand I recognised for a decent price. I had spoken to my dad's girlfriend Angie while I was in Jaffna and told her of the suncream issue in Sri Lanka and she offered to send me some from England which is amazing but I need something until then otherwise I can't go outside!! About an hour and twenty shops later I finally found a St Ives sunblock which was bloody factor 60! Despite probably turning white with the cream I felt so bad having this poor guy drive me around so I bought this cream - along with other supplies. He dropped me back to my room where the buddha man was waiting for me and helped me carry my gallon of water even though I insisted that I didn't want his help. He jokingly said he was going to sleep on the floor outside my room to protect me and asked if I had eaten. When I said no his response was "Me hungry, me no money to buy food". I quickly went into my room closing the door to avoid getting involved in his rubbish. He was a working man at the guesthouse - he obviously gets wages and he clearly eats hence his name the buddha.  I did some yoga and went to sleep.

Sunday 20th May 2012 - Jaffna, Sri Lanka

Today I decided to check out Point Pedro, the northest point in Sri Lanka where there was a Lighthouse. My guidebook said there was also a beach nearby so I put my bikini underneath my clothing just in case.    The bus journey was so long and was as usual bumpy. I got off the bus and got pointed in the direction of the bus I needed to change onto. The next bus took me for maybe ten minutes before the conductor and a local lady indicated that it was now my stop. The local lady got off the bus also and pointed me towards to lighthouse.  The lighthouse was a massive disappointment and couldn't be explored as it was now looked like it was under occupation by the navy. The whole area surrounding the lighthouse had little huts that were occupied either by a soldier or a member of the navy.  I walked past the lighthouse and the men came out of the bases asking me where I was going - I told them I was just walking and looking. I then walked back in the direction I had come from and another man came out of another base and started chatting me up! He spoke very little English but managed to tell me I was beautiful and stood in the middle of the road watching me walk away towards to beach.  The beach was called Munai beach and was absolutely stunning. The two other beaches I had seen in Jaffna so far were on the north side but this beach was on the north eastern side and the water was shockingly cold on my feet at first but so appreciated in the sweltering heat. The water was so clear that I could see the coral from outside the water.  The beach probably hadn't seen a tourist in years and away from the sea the sand had formed dunes - behind the dunes were fields with crops and cows. I continued walking and could see a massive group of guys so despite desperately wanting to jump into the water I decided I would walk further up the beach first.  I got close to the guys and was horrified when all the younger guys from the group - maybe 10, got out of the water and circled me asking me loads of questions. They were maybe 16years old and in the water the men looked like they were in their late 40s. I replied to the guys questions whilst trying to walk away from them - with every step I took they took a step eyeing me up and down like a piece of meat. I nervously pointed that I was going to walk and they should stay here. They still walked though. Then I stopped walking and one of them got the point and instructed the others to stop walking with me. I then walked maybe another twenty minutes up the beach and laid my towel down. I sat down and was applying sun cream on my shoulders. I then pulled down my top to reveal my bikini top to apply cream to my stomach when I looked in the direction of the guys and saw all the boys running down the beach towards me. I pulled my top up so fast and picked up all my stuff and started walking further up the beach. I then stopped looking behind me and saw that they were starting to walk back and some of them looked to have disappeared so i looked towards the sand dunes and saw them there. But then even closer to me behind the sand dunes some movement caught my attention - I could see heads behind the sand dune closest to me ducking and diving. I started walking further up the beach but then realised that was the worst thing I could do as the beach was even more deserted further up so I picked up a coconut and put it in my bag for protection looking towards the sand dune waiting for the heads to pop up. I saw two people fully dressed in short sleeved shirts and trousers making me realise it wasn't the young boys as they were all wearing swimming shorts. One of the men was wearing a black motorbike helmet which made me realise that this wasn't a joke - why would you be following a lone female traveller on a beach with a helmet on?! I stood there shouting towards where they were hiding asking why they were following me and telling them to go away. The guys obviously realised they had been spotted now and started walking out towards me. I walked so fast up the beach towards the group of guys intending to go to the army guys for protection. One boy asked me what was wrong and I pointed towards the guy that was following me. The stupid little shit did sex movements basically indicating that the guy was obviously coming for sex. I furiously pulled out the coconut showing him that if he comes near me I will beat him! Eventually the guy slowed down and I continued to towards the army base calling my mum to tell her what had happened. I tried to explain to the army man what had happened but he didn't bloody understand and despite my breaking into tears it still didnt register with him that something was wrong and he just kept asking me questions about my phone.  I just got up and walked towards the bus stop figuring that the guy wasn't following me now and wouldn't be stupid to come that way because the army were there.  I got to the bus stop and had two young guys telling me there were no buses now because it was Sunday - i didnt trust them! Stupid boys! Then two older men came pass on their scooter (no black helmets!) and I asked them when the bus was. They told me an hour but then asked if I wanted to jump on the back of the scooter. I was so eager to get away that I agreed as I knew it was only a five minute straight drive and plus loads of people saw me get on the bike.  They dropped me at the bus station for no charge but whilst getting off the bike I burnt my leg on the metal exhaust on the side of the bike. It touched for literally a second but killed bad! I jumped on a bus eager to get back to my room. I decided that was it, I was leaving Jaffna! I got to the bus station and asked the men what time the bus was tomorrow to the next place on my map (Trincomalee). They told me 6am. I stocked up on loads of chocolate, peanuts and a beer and headed to my room depressed!!

Saturday 19th May 2012 - Jaffna, Sri Lanka

Today I decided to check out the 'famous' Casuarina Beach recommended by Suren the day before. This beach was on the island of Karainagar. Again to get to the beach I got the bus after asking the men at Jaffna bus station to point me in the right direction.  The bus once again went through masses of villages with destroyed buildings. The ticket conductor told me where to get off but then I had to walk 2km down a dirt road. The road had beautiful big houses all spread out along the road guarded with fences made from the leaves from coconut trees. There were also thousands of coconut trees. Every now and then a local person would ride passed on their bike and say hello. I eventually saw the horizon in the distance and saw an army checkpoint where all vehicles were being stopped. I just stilled right pass without any problems. The beach was nice although the sand was more like dirt and blew everywhere with the wind.  There were no tourists on the beach, only locals - both men and women but the women in the water were fully dressed - some even in saris. I didn't want to offend anyone so walked really far up the beach before laying out my towel and undressing down to my bikini. I got in the water but it wasnt particularly refreshing as it was warm. Apparently walking far away up the beach is not hint enough that I don't want to be hassled because groups of boys kept constantly coming towards me. Whenever anyone came near I put my towel around me and told them I don't want to talk. Then a guy came up with a group of boys saying he was also a tourist - he was Sri Lankan but now living in Sweden. I was quite rude because I just wanted to be left alone and told him that there was a reason why i came this far up the beach and said if he wanted to talk he could give me his number and we could talk somewhere else - that got rid of him! He came back a bit later asking if I was having fun - I said I was until he came!! Lol! He said he was leaving and that I should call him and we can go out for a drink. I just agreed and said yeh yeh cool.  It was getting a bit late and I still had to get a bus so I started walking towards the bus stop and waited for my bus. 

Friday 18th May 2012 - Jaffna, Sri Lanka

I started the day with no idea where I was going - I just knew I wanted to see the islands, which one i didn't know. I headed to the bus station and went to the information counter and pointed to a random place on my map - they in turn pointed me in the direction of the bus that would take me there. The place of today was Nainativu.  The bus journey was a real eye-opener and instantly bought me back down from my la la land. The bus went through village upon village with bomb-destroyed buildings, some overgrown by trees. I wanted to bring out my camera but it felt overly insensitive to try and photograph such a painful reality for the people. I watched on sadly from the back of my bumpy bus. Eventually we reached a small road that links the mainland to the small islands through the shallow water. It is not a bridge but a raised road, which was really strange, and the turquoise water was so shallow that fishermen just walked around checking and setting up fish traps. I had no idea what was happening but eventually the bus stopped at what looked like a port and the ticket conductor pointed me in the direction that I was supposed to go. I just walked behind everyone else looking around confused. It was a Navy base called Kurikadduwan. We were first directed into a waiting area where there were two sections - one for a temple and one for somewhere else. I had no idea what either of the places were but I just followed the masses of women in brightly coloured saris to the area for the temple. Again, whilst in the waiting area everyone stared at me like I was an alien, again I was the only white person - this area really doesn't get many tourists! So after maybe 15minutes of me trying desperately to make this cute little kid smile but only succeeding in making him cry, we were called forward, given life jackets and ushered into this deep blue boat by the navy.  The journey on the boat was about twenty minutes - there were no windows or comfortabilities - it was more like an industrial factory's steam room or something. I propped myself up onto the steps to see outside the boat and admire the beauty, despite being told off by the navy at the port not to do so. The water was such a beautiful turquoise colour and in the distance I could see a palm tree lined island. Upon arrival I walked out of the boat and was made to pay Rs.30 - I had no idea what for but I assume it was for the boat. I then walked out of the port to be met by a beautiful brightly coloured Hindu temple - it was huge and so were the grounds. I decided that now would probably be a good idea to see what else this island had to offer by checking my guidebook!! This Hindu temple was called Naga Pooshani Amman Kovil and apparently women wishing to conceive come here seeking blessings. A short walk away from the Hindu temple along a road lined with friendly stalls selling Sri Lankan sweets, there was a Buddhist temple with a silver Dagoba.  I wanted to see the rest of the island so I paid a tuk tuk driver to take me around. It was a really bizarre place because despite having beautiful turquoise sea all around, the 'sand' was more like desert sand and had cactuses. You couldn't lie down anywhere and sunbathe and the water was really warm. It was really beautiful though and completely authentic and different - but just not somewhere you would spend more than a few hours. Whilst waiting for my boat back to the mainland I was sitting on my lonesome when this annoying navy guy who spoke little English tried to make conversation with me. I didn't want to deal with the small idle talk (where you from? how's Sri Lanka? you married?) so i tried asking him how to get to another island, but nope, he didn't understand and I had no knowledge of Tamil! I sat back on the bench deflated desperately looking for Tamil words in my guidebook when an older navy guy on a motorbike asked me if I wanted to ride on the navy speedboat back to the mainland!! I jumped up so fast excitedly asking if he was serious! I walked over to the speedboat where four navy boys in cream polos and cream khaki shorts stood. They all laughed like little school girls as I got on the boat. During the journey we also stopped by another navy ship filled with men laughing at the site of me and clearly trying to work out why there was a random female sitting on the deck. What a surreal experience! Not many people can say they have ridden on a navy speedboat with the crew!! Haha!  It was early so my next stop was Kayts. I got a bus from the port and then had to change to another bus which luckily was there when I got there. I got to Kayts and saw nothing but a few stalls. I walked around the stalls and bought some bananas and was asked for money by a random man working on another stall. I then jumped straight back on the bus towards Jaffna.  I got off the bus and bumped into a guy who had randomly introduced himself to me the day before. He asked me if I had eaten and then took me to a place where I could get good food. We spoke for ages and he told me a bit about the civil war and his experiences.  His name was Suren, he was 28-years old and owned two buses that ran via Colombo and Jaffna. He had lived in London for four years in a corner shop but ended up having passport revoked for five years and going to prison in the uk after knocking unconscious two men who tried to rob the store he was working at. He was married but his wife stayed in the uk while he returned to Sri Lanka - he said that she wants to come back to Jaffna but that he doesn't want to stay there so he will divorce her if she wants to stay there. He was living in Colombo but came to Jaffna after suspecting that the ticket operators working on his buses were doing the dirty on him and pocketing a lot of the profits. He said he now has enough money and wants to leave Jaffna. Regarding the war he recalled being just five years old and seeing and hearing bombs going off outside his house. He said during the war near enough every Tamil person saw the inside of a jail for not carrying I.D and the SLA kept them in for something like 2weeks while they apparently tried to identify them - he saw prison when he was just 14. He explained that he thought that the civil war was definitely going to start again for many reasons but mainly because of the university situation - Tamils are very well educated and achieve really high grades but because the government has this rule that they will only take a set amount of Tamils, even though the Tamils have higher grades than the Singhalese they can't go to university. In my opinion it shouldn't come down to race or religion but only grades - you get the higher grades then you go to university - you don't get the grades then you do retakes like we do in England.  After food he told me to come and work with him in the bus station. I walked with him there but was immediately aware of the male dominated environment and the attention that was coming my way so I made my excuses and left.  I just went back to my room and washed my clothes. The task was made slightly difficult by the fact that the electricity kept going off meaning that my fan turned off making my room like a sauna. It's crazy because you don't realise how unbelievably hot it is until there is no fan. Within minutes I looked like I had been in a shower. I was getting text messages from Suren asking to see me and telling me that he felt love for me?!! What the hell! I just straight up cussed him asking if he was drunk or if he thought I was an idiot! His reply was that he was joking - not funny! He didn't text me anymore after that! 

Thursday 17th May 2012 - Leaving Anuradaphura to go to Jaffna

I got up super early and packed up my stuff and got the same guy and  tuk tuk that took me around yesterday to take me to the bus station. Apparently I would need to change buses at Vavuniya. The tuk tuk driver was really sweet and firmly came orders to the driver in Sinhala about where I was going. I loaded my big rucksack into a compartment on the back of the bus and hopped onto the bus - taking a seat at the back of the bus so I could look out and check my bag, also because it has more leg room. The bus was just a standard bus that does short journeys also so not exactly comfortable for a long journey but it was an experience. Despite my tuk tuk driver giving the driver instructions he didn't understand when I asked him to tell me where to get off so I had to call Gayan and ask him to ask the ticket conductor to tell me where to get off. These connections are so helpful! Gayan must have said something right because once at Vavuniya the ticket conductor walked me to the place where I needed to get my next bus.  Everyone looked at me and giggled as I walked passed and then the ticket conductor at the bus I was taken to told me that the bus was full. When the next bus came I loaded my stuff into the back again and got comfortable on the back seat only to be told that this bus was now not the next bus. I jumped off with all the local men and boys laughing at my hopping with my luggage from one bus to the other and looking completely lost I would imagine. The ticket conductor on the next bus grabbed my bag from my hand and hurriedly threw it in the bag and shut the door - I could see puddles of water so opened the door back up and my yoga mat and rucksack were soaked. One of the local men that had been bantering with the other men whilst watching me obviously saw that I was not happy and came over shouting at the ticket conductor, he grabbed my bags and threw them towards the ticket conductor while indicating that they were wet (I couldn't understand what was being said but from his gestures and actions I assumed he was calling the guy an idiot for putting my stuff in the wet muddy compartment). The conductor then put my things at the back of the bus on the floor so I sat with them. This journey was the longest and was made so much worse when maybe two hours in there was a man at the roadside waiting for the bus with about twenty boxes of fruit. Everyone from the back of the bus was bundled towards the front and these boxes of fruit were loaded onto the seats. Despite being moved, i left my bags as they fit neatly into the corner and didnt take up much space but the locals kept telling me to move them under a chair - for about 15minutes I had to keep repeatedly saying that my rucksack was too big to fit. Anyway, the crazy driving mixed with bumpy roads meant that the boxes were breaking and the fruit was being hurled onto the floor and rolling around everywhere. I felt really bad for the man whose fruit it was because this was obviously his livelihood and it was probably being bruised. I kept picking up any of the fruit that came near me and putting it into a bag. The journey must have been about 6hours and was hot, sweaty and bumpy but I couldn't help but laugh at the whole experience. I constantly had kids turning their heads to stare at me and aroused their curiosity more by pulling funny faces at all of them - which had the adults laughing. It was a fun trip.  Along the way we got stopped at an army checkpoint where I had to hand in my passport and declare how long I was staying in Jaffna, what my job was, and why I was going there. The soldiers took a copy of my passport and sent me on my way.  The bus arrived at Jaffna at around 5pm and upon leaving the bus I was thrown right into the madness - busy dusty roads filled with stands of people selling clothing, fruit and food. I was overwhelmed and stood their with no clue on where to go! Because my guidebook was written at the time when the conflicts were happening the accommodation recommendations all said that there is no guarantee that this place is still standing! I was standing there with my bags thrown on the floor when a chirpy friendly man on the stall behind me asked me where I was going. I joked that I had no idea so he hold me to bring my luggage and put it near his stall out of the way. His name was Nalinda and he was from Kandy but working in Jaffna selling fabric. He asked about my budget and then recommended a place around the corner - VK lodge or something like that. I paid a tuk tuk Rs.100 to take me literally one minute away, I wanted to beat the driver, but then I saw the long dark hallway to get into the place and didn't want to see anymore - it was daytime now and I couldn't see anything so nighttime would be so scary as anyone could be hiding there. The tuk tuk driver was still hanging around but I was angry with him and told him that I don't want him because he was dishonest charging me Rs.100 for such a short journey. I pulled out my guidebook again and decided that I should just try and see if any of the places are still around - this attracted the attention of another tuk tuk driver who came over and asked if I needed help. Without me even asking he used his phone to call the YMCA for me to see if they were still standing and if they had vacancies. He then drove me there for a reasonable price and gave me his number in case I wanted any other trips.  The room as the YMCA was Rs.750 for just a bed and a shared bathroom - it had no mosquito net but had loads of openings in the walls. I jumped straight on a bus back into the town and bought a plug-in mosquito repellent. Also I didn't have a Sri Lankan plug adaptor so my mission was also to find one, which I did, and then i found an Internet cafe. My first instincts of Jaffna was that literally I was the only tourist in site and that all the men at the different stalls insisted on asking where I was from and telling me to go to their stall. It was a lot!  I had no idea which bus to get back but luckily the bus station is right there with some really helpful information guys behind the counter who pointed me in the right direction.  I got back to my room and just chilled.

Wednesday 16th May 2012 - Anuradaphura, Sri Lanka

I didn't manage to see all the sights yesterday so today I figured I would pay a tuk tuk to take me around and buy that damn ticket. I think it was the worst decision I could have made! I was so uninterested! All the sites were similar - its like once you've seen one site of ruins there isnt really much difference between it and the next. I paid like Rs.5000 in total and was done within two hours. I should have just left today and been satisfied with what I saw yesterday. Ah well.  I got back to my room by like 12pm and spent the whole day in my room contemplating my next move. I decided that I didn't care to see more of ancient cities right now and seeing I was pretty far north already I decided that I would head all the way up to the north of Sri Lanka before making my way any further south. The north of Sri Lanka is divided from the rest of Sri Lanka in the sense that for the past thirty or more years there has been a civil war between the LTTE (Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam - aka Tamil Tigers) in the north and the SLA (Sri Lankan Army) in the rest of Sri Lanka. Unlike the rest of Sri Lanka where the people are predominantly Buddhist Singhalese, the north is made up of a majority of Hindu Tamils who originally came over from South India.  The root of the problem apparently dates back to the British colonial times when the the British were thought to have imported almost one million Tamil labourers from South India to work on the plantations after failing to persuade the Singhalese to labour on them. The British were thought to have favoured the Tamil people who were found "to be agreeably capable at learning English and fulfilling the needs of the colonial administration. This apparent 'favouritism'  saw Tamil candidates over-represented in universities and public service jobs". Following Sri Lanka's independence in 1948 the new government (the United National Party) tried to deny the Plantation Tamils citizenship and repatriate them back to India.  It wasn't until 1970 that the actual civil war started though after a string of key events where the government failed to recognise the Tamils as equal to the Singhalese and discriminated against them in many aspects of life - including failing to recognise Tamil as a native language, cutting their numbers in university, and the creation of a constitutional declaration saying that Buddhism had 'foremost place' in Sri Lanka and that it was the state's duty to 'protect and foster' Buddhism.  The inequalities lead to the formation of the LTTE (Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam - aka Tamil Tigers) who started off with a good cause but are often referred to as terrorists now because of some of their extreme actions. The civil war between the LTTE and the Sri Lankan army has meant that the north of Sri Lanka, aka Eelam, has been off guards to tourists for many years for many reasons, one being the uncleared mine fields.  My guidebook was from 2009 said it should be okay to visit in the next couple of months so I decided I would take a look and see. I spoke to the old man at the guesthouse and he told me that buses ran often to Jaffna so I should just go to the bus station and catch a bus tomorrow. That was it, that was the plan. 

Tuesday 15th May 2012 - Anuradaphura, Sri Lanka

I arrived at the train station at 4.30am and caught a tuk tuk to one of the places listed in my guidebook. I was super grumpy and tired so wasn't best pleased when the place was full and the tuk tuk driver was ripping me off with his extortionate prices to take me around the corner to the next place (I agreed the price before I saw how close the next place was). Luckily the next place from my book had vacancies but the owner was sleeping so I had to knock for about ten-minutes before getting a response.  I got in my room and went to sleep until about 11am! Oops.  So Anuradaphura was the first capital city of Sri Lanka in 377 BC to 993 AD and was essentially where Buddhism was first introduced  into Sri Lanka - it was established as a major centre of Buddhist pilgrimage and learning. The ancient city saw the creation of some of the greatest monuments and harvested a cutting from the great Bodhi tree under which the Buddha attained enlightenment - the tree still flourished today.  All that remains today is the ruins of the ancient city - I hired a bike to ride around to try and visit the different sites outlined in my book. I read that you are supposed to buy a ticket for around $25 which only lasted a day but I cycled around without being asked for a ticket so I didnt buy one! At one point I was asked for one at a museum but it was like 3pm already and if the ticket was only valid for one day I told them that I would leave without buying a ticket. Of course I didn't!! Lol! I continued to cycle around and managed to see a few other places. The first place I saw was the Jetavana Dagoba - it was a huge red bell shaped structure made of brick. Apparently at the time of construction it was the third tallest structure in the world at 120m - the taller buildings were the two great pyramids at Giza. It was also the worlds biggest stupa and is still the tallest and largest structure made entirely of brick anywhere on earth. My guidebook says that it has enough bricks to build a 3metre high wall from London to Edinburgh. The area surrounding was large and consisted of ruins.  I got on my bicycle and came across the Sri Maha Bodhi grounds. I had to park up my bike at the security gates and walk up a path to get to the gates into the grounds. In the distance i could see monkeys with massive tails running around - i thought they were just the standard long tail monkeys that i see everywhere but as I got closer I could see they weren't - they had black faces and long tails that long tail monkeys. Their faces were so dark it was crazy and they looked like little gremlins in a super cute way! I was taking a photo of a younger one and it went to jump towards me to get my camera but I scared it before it had the chance! As soon as I stepped into the grounds I was sad to see stray dogs laying around looking really hungry. This cute little puppy came towards me and looked at me with it's sad eyes. It really is disturbing how many stray dogs there are in Sri Lanka. They have such terrible skin and some have broken limbs and they look so thin and malnourished. Nathalie from the meditation centre said she wanted to start a dog rescue centre after going to India and seeing the awful living conditions of so many of the dogs - I could totally relate. I just wanted to give them all a bath and give them treatments for their skin, get them all looking and feeling good and get them housed.  As soon as I saw this little hungry puppy I pulled out some biscuits from my bag and gave it one. It was such a beautiful natured puppy and despite obviously being starving it took the biscuit so gently from my hand. It then followed me around everywhere! I so wanted to take it home!! Me being kind to the dog then opened up to door to this old lady that was watching to ask me for money! The poor dog doesn't have a choice how it lives and lives at the mercy of humans, but she has a choice. Also, what a place to be begging - at a temple!  I walked up to stairs to the raised level where the tree is but really couldn't see very much. The security guard there started talking to me about the tree but my attention switched to behind him where I could hear a familiar chant - the words were the same but the beautiful harmonies and pitch-perfect sounds made the chant unrecognisable!! It was the chant we had to sing every night at the meditation centre and it was being sung by maybe 7 female monks who were sitting down looking up to the tree. It was so beautiful to listen to them.  I left the tree and walked passed the Brazan Palace (nothing more than a fenced off area with concrete blocks) towards the huge white Dagoba that I could see in the distance  - this one was called Ruvanvelisaya Dagoba. It didn't look very ancient, in fact it was in perfect condition - according to my guidebook it has already been restored. It is a huge white stupa surrounded by a wall covered with hundreds of carved elephants standing shoulder to shoulder. I started walking around the structure and then heard singing again - the female monks were now here and were walking around the Dagoba singing. I walked behind them. It was so hot and I had seen as many ruins as I cared to see so I started my 5km cycle back towards my accommodation, bought some snacks and just chilled in my room.

Monday 14th May 2012 - Colombo, Sri Lanka

My return flight to the UK is 10th June and since I booked it I pretty much always had the intention to extend my stay until the end of June or beginning of July. My visa expires on the 24th May though so extension or no extension, I still needed to extend my visa. My mission today was to try and sort this out and extend my visa before I continued travelling around the rest of the country to save me coming back to Colombo unnecessarily. So in the morning my first step was to call my airline to change my flight. I was pissed when they told me that all the flights in the whole of June and up until 21st July were sold out. That would mean I would be leaving in three weeks :-( I was not happy and was not willing to accept this fate and was frantically brewing different ideas up in my head.  In the meantime though I headed towards the Immigration and Emmigration offices to extend my visa. What a bloody nightmare!! I have never known such disorganisation and chaos. Upon arrival at the offices the first thing you notice is the pure and utter madness! There are at least twenty rows of people sitting on the steps outside the building. There are so many other people trying to sell you things, tuk tuks beeping and drivers shouting to get your attention. I instantly felt stressed!  When you first walk in the entrance it is weird because rather than traditional and conservative type offices that you would expect to see at such a place, you are instead met with loads of food stalls and phone representatives.  You have to go through hundreds of people either standing around watching the people go past or join the crazy hustle and bustle of people walking in one direction but looking in the complete opposite - meaning you are being barged in all directions despite desperately trying to step out of the way - and believe me you really want to move out of the way because the crazy temperature means that everyone's skin is wet with sweat! The building has like three storeys - each floor as crazy if not crazier than the last. My floor was the top floor so by the time I went through all the madness of each floor and arrived at the visa floor I was hot, sweaty and very irritable. This feeling was worsened by the lack of direction and clarity on where you are supposed to go or what you are supposed to do. All I saw was a room jam packed with people - some sitting on chairs in a waiting room-type format and then others were hustled around a counter, others queued along the wall around the outside. I was surprised by the lack of non-asian people given my impression that this way a place to extend tourist visas but actually this is also where people file for residency visas etc.   I saw a sign saying something about taking a seat and waiting for your number to be called. Number?! What number?! My mission was now to get a number! I stood around like such a lemon asking people where they got their number but everyone looked at me with blank faces not understanding a word I was saying!! Then my saviour came! A local that spoke English telling me to go to the  counter (pointing in the direction) get a form and then hand it in where he was queuing. Thank god. I then walked over to the counter and asked for the form where I was told I would also need photos. Could this get any worse?! My visa was due to expire on the 24th May but my return flight to the UK wasn't until the 10th June meaning I was literally just extending to catch my flight. I tried to ask the man at the counter if I could leave the country without extending my visa and then literally just fly to Colombo to catch my flight. He didn't understand so told me to join the queue where I would later need to hand the form into - it was a long queue just to ask a damn question and my patience was wearing so thin because of the heat so I then asked the guy how much it was going to cost me. He told me Rs.6000. Rs.6000 for another two weeks - that was it for me, I walked out! I didn't have a solution for how I was going to make it work or where I was going but then once outside I saw an Internet cafe - that was the plan! I was going to go and try and find other cheap return flights so that the Rs.6000 would be worth it and also because I wasn't ready to go home.  I found a flight for £250 - i didnt book it but it gave me a lifeline and made staying a major possibility. It was now 12pm so I needed to get the visa sorted before doing anything else. I got some ugly photos done and headed back to the offices. With a clearer and more relaxed approach everything no longer seemed so bad - it all kind of fell into place and the office didn't seem so busy anymore. I didn't leave there until gone 3.30pm though as the processes really are terrible! I wasn't stressed but it was just such a long waiting game. The first wait is after filling out your form you need to queue to hand the form into this man in this glass room (where everyone was queuing along the walls). The man just chatted casually with me marking out places on my map where I should visit - no wonder the queue was so long before!!! The next wait was the waiting room type set up - waiting for the man from the room to do something and hand the passport to the counter. After like an hour you are then given a voucher to pay. You then take the voucher over to another counter where you need to queue to pay for the visa - it was almost Rs7000. Then you need to go back to the waiting room type setup and wait for the receipt of your payment to be processed and for the payment counter to hand the passport to the people who mark the extension visa in your passport. Surely there must be an easier way!!! Lol!! Anyway I left the embassy and headed to Choco Luv - the amazing milkshake/hot chocolate place that Shiran's friend Gayan worked. He said yesterday that he would he would be working from 3pm and it was gone 3pm now so I thought i'd go and see him. I liked Gayan, he was a really cool guy and yesterday Shiran had been really quiet so Gayan and I spoke a lot and got on really well.  I only planned on staying for an hour or so at Choco luv but Gayan chilled with me as it was quiet and we spoke for absolutely hours. Yesterday I found out that Gayan was married with a son - I'm a journalist at heart and find everything out!! Gayan's son was 6-years old but when I asked yesterday why he only had one son and why there was such a large gap he went quiet and said he didn't want to talk about it. I asked if he was still with his wife and he said yes but didn't say much more. However he had told me to add him on Facebook yesterday and when I was on the Internet near the embassy I could see his profile because he accepted me and he relationship status said "It's Complicated". Uh oh!  Being the nosey person I am of course I asked him - he laughed because he said he knew that I was going to ask! He recognised I was a journalist at heart too apparently!!  When he told me what the situation was I really wish I hadn't asked. The poor guy was heartbroken :-( He had moved to Dubai to work after he and his wife (love of his life) got married and had their little boy to support their dream of owning their own house and living comfortably. She stayed in Sri Lanka. He worked crazy hours in Dubai and put every penny he earned into savings - no parties, drinking or smoking, his priority was saving to buy a house. But then one day he got a text message from his wife - it was a text she had mistakenly sent to him and led Gayan to believe that she was having an affair. She denied it. He booked a flight home without telling her and got copies of all the text messages sent from her phone and discovered that she was in fact having an affair and had been for some time. His dad had said to him "you can find as many women as you want and she can have as many men as she wants, but your son only has one set of parents, only one mother and one father" - because of this he decided to forgive his wife and try again. He moved back to Sri Lanka and got a job in the airport working ridiculously long hours including night shifts sometimes. One day he found a phone that his wife had been hiding - her lover had bought it for her and the affair had continued the whole time. After getting the records and copies of text messages sent from this phone he discovered that she had even been bringing this other guy over to their house with their son while Gayan was at work.  For the sake of his son the poor guy now has her living with him at his parents and is still supporting her. He suspects she is still having an affair and is living his life recklessly - drinking and partying a lot but still being faithful. He asked me "for what am I saving for now?" I tried to give him the motivational speech about making himself happy and having a house to give his son when he gets older but it's going to take some work to get him out of his slump. We agreed that at the weekend we would go to a beach party in Hikkadawu. He works until 5pm on Saturdays and has Sunday off and said he could get Monday off too so we would get Shiran and go for the weekend.  We were then talking about my plans to see the whole island. He then told me I should get the night train to Anuradaphura and go and see the ancient cities before heading back to Colombo to party with him and Shiran on Saturday. It was a great idea! It was like 6.30 and I had already packed up my stuff in the morning and left it outside the room at Parisara ready to check in somewhere else after the embassy so now I could just grab my stuff and go to Anuradaphura. The train was at 9.30pm. I had one problem though! I had too much stuff!! I had bought so many things in Kandy that I now had my rucksack, day pack and four really heavy carrier bags. I asked Gayan if he knew where I could pay to store the four bags while I travelled and without a flinch he said yeh, at my place.  I jumped into a tuk tuk and got my stuff from Parisara, drove back to Choco luv, gave my bags to Gayan, got changed and then headed to the station to catch the train.  Instead of the 9.30 train where I may not possibly have a seat, I waited for the 10.30 sleeper train where I could reserve a seat. The journey was 6hours long and was surprisingly ok. I have read many things about the trains but I think maybe because it was a sleeper the rules dont apply. It did jolt to complete stops at times and was very slow moving but luckily I had noone sitting next to me so managed to sleep through most of the journey. 

Sunday 13th May 2012 - Colombo, Sri Lanka

Today the plan was to collect my stuff from Shana's and to try and extend my visa at the embassy. Afterwards I had plans to meet Shiran at 12pm at the beach for shisha. After getting up at like 8 I got ready and was informed by someone i was asking directions from that it was Sunday and the embassy was closed. Damn! So then I diverted my attention to my next mission - collecting my things from Shanas. Don't get me wrong, he is a really lovely guy and I was so thankful for all the kindness he had shown me but I just no longer felt that it was appropriate for me to stay at his seeing that he was acting like I was his wife or something and telling me he missed me - it led me to believe he has feelings for me and because thats what my instincts are telling me I think distance is the best thing. I do not want to lead him on in anyway and don't want to cause any uncomfortability for either of us. Therefore I sent him a text message asking if it would be ok for me to collect my stuff in twenty minutes. He replied once again asking me not to leave and apologising but said it was fine for me to go there but asked if I could wait until he arrived. I didn't reply and just got a tuk tuk to the house. I rang the bell and a man let me in. I went upstairs to the main living area where Shana's mum was watching television. I really felt awful not being able to answer her questions about why I was leaving, I really loved her to pieces, but I tried to just get in and out and told her my tuk tuk was waiting. I didn't feel great but just said I would come and see her soon.  I took my stuff to the Parisara place - I decided to stay one more night until I got all this stuff sorted, I dropped off my bag and then headed to the beach.  I got there earlier than Shiran so went to eat Chinese for my breakfast/lunch at a place on the beach called Loon Tao. The food was really good! I had stir-fried beef with prawns and rice.  I met Shiran afterwards at a place a couple of doors down. He was with Gayan - the guy that worked at the amazing hot chocolate place Shiran had taken me to the first time I met him. It was a nice chilled day drinking beers and smoking shisha. The shisha wasn't great so we went to another place afterwards where they made really good shisha - it was double apple and bit so a bit strong but it was good all the same. We ate pizza, I drank a mango milkshake and we chilled for about two hours. We then went to a bar called bay leaf where Gayan used to work. It was really posh and I felt like the biggest tramp - the staff there looked me up and down like i was riff raff!! I really was quite tempted to do a pretty woman on their ass and turn up dressed-up with makeup and my hair done then see how they treated me!! Lol! Anyway we stayed for one drink  and then went our separate ways.  They are really cool boys. I found out that the reason that Shiran no longer worked at Heladiv was because the manager had accused him of stealing and they had a bust up. So now Shiran was jobless and looking for something else. He said he was contemplating going to another country - his family background is Malaysian so he said his dream was to go there.  I got back to the guesthouse at about 9.30. I closed my door and then there was a knock from the old lady asking me what time I was leaving. She didn't look directly at me but instead over my shoulder into the room eyeing all my belongings?! I didn't know what that was about but it kind of annoyed me. I called my lovely mummy munchkin and got to speak to her and Mr Skinner which was cool. 

Saturday 12th May 2012 - leaving Kandy to go to Colombo

I didn't care for Kandy anymore and got up early to pack and leave. I got a tuk tuk from Burmese Rest to the bus stand and got straight on the bus to Colombo.  I felt quite sad on the bus ride because all I had tried to do on my trip was be kind and friendly and felt really used and abused. I felt so violated! I still had Shana calling me constantly and sending me messages saying he missed me and all this rubbish! I knew for sure that I was not going back to Shana's. I was going to check into the YWCA (females equivalent to YMCA) and arrange to collect my things from his place at some point and then continue travelling around the rest of the country. I sent Shana a text message saying that I was going to check into a guesthouse as I felt that it was not appropriate for me to stay at his place anymore. My phone started going crazy. Calls (which I didn't want to answer) and text messages asking firstly if his mum had done something to upset me?! Then asking if it was him and apologising. I just said that I didn't think it was good that he had been telling me he missed me and that I felt he had feelings for me which would make it best for me to leave. Obviously I had seen the photos on his Facebook of me which freaked me out but I thought I just wouldn't mention that. I just stayed firm and despite him apologising and saying it wouldn't happen again I just didn't want to go back there. Upon arrival at the YWCA I was quoted Rs2500 a night which was way too expensive so I pulled out my guidebook and found another place called Parisara which was supposed to be Rs1000. The driver took me there but the place was quoting Rs2000 - my tuk tuk bill was racking up so I just decided to check in there for one night and then try and find something cheaper. I would only be in Colombo until I extended my visa anyway and would then go elsewhere. This guesthouse was ok but way too overpriced and more of a house than anything else. it was run by a little old lady - it was her family home but all her children were married and moved out and her husband had passed away. She was obviously very lonely because she was very eager to make conversation - she insisted on showing me her family photos and her late husband's old desk. She bought me juice to my room upon arrival but stood there in my room wanting to talk. I feel bad because given my past couple of days I didn't much feel like talking or listening - especially not for Rs2000!!! For that price I want to be able to come and go as I like without feeling bad. When I said I was leaving to go out she was like, oh but it's very hot - like she wanted me to stay and keep her company. I politely replied that it was fine and that I liked the heat and slowly tried to back out towards the door. She kept trying to point out things as I was leaving like photographs and the grandfather clock that her mother has given her. She obviously just wanted someone to speak to but there were two other ladies working for her there and living in the house - surely she could talk to them. I know that must sound really cold. Anyway, I left finally and jumped into a tuk tuk to take me to majestic city to pick up my saree that I had put in two weeks ago. It was as beautiful as I remembered and the blouse that Fareena had made for me was really nice and a good fit. I decided to eat at KFC there - I know I know, why come to Sri Lanka to eat KFC?!? Well actually it is different to back home. They serve chicken biryani which is like special pilau rice served with KFC chicken and curry sauce - it was really good.  Since staying at Nilambe and trying yoga I realised how much I loved yoga so one of my missions of the day was to find a good yoga book and a mat - I found both and was so excited to get back to the guesthouse to try it out. I decided to stop by the cafe that Shiran worked at - Heladiv, but having been in constant contact with him I knew he no longer worked there for some unknown reason - I wanted to use their wifi though so sat there drinking cocktails and catching up with things online. It was really nice but the problem was that when I got back to the guesthouse I couldn't exactly focus too well on the different postures and ended up falling flat on my face!! Whilst buying the book on yoga I had also got one on buddhism having taken a real interest in it so I decided to just chill and read that book instead. 

Friday 11th May 2012 - Kandy, Sri Lanka

Today I decided to head back to the market that I went to yesterday to see if there were any differences in prices when going alone. I got to near the place and couldn't remember exactly where to go next and then this man came and started talking to me so I asked him where to go. Instead of just pointing me in the right direction the guy walked with me. He walked me up to a spice stall where i was quoted Rs780 for an assortment of spices. I said that I was just looking around and would maybe come back later. The man left and then at the next stall I was quoted Rs200 for the same thing. I couldn't believe it! Now I knew that I must have been ripped off the day before. When i told the man at the next stall what had happened he took me into the back of his stall, sat me down and gave me some tea. He told me that the guy from yesterday was no doubt a street boy and that I had paid three times the amount that I should have yesterday. He said that these boys do it all the time - they speak to you and say that they work in your hotel or somewhere relevant to you and then take you to these stalls where you are charged way like double for things - the street boy goes back later and is then given the money that you paid over the odds. I couldn't believe it! He said if anyone tries to talk to me just ignore them and stop worrying about being rude. I then decided to go upstairs to where I had bought all the pashminas for a ridiculous price and tell him that I had seen the same thing cheaper elsewhere. Even when I asked him about the street boy he said that yes he had given him a small amount of money (only Rs300) for bringing me to his shop but that the prices I paid were standard - I still wasn't convinced though and he could see that so he gave me another pashmina for free. That shows me for sure that I had paid way over the odds but there was nothing I could do and I guess he didn't have to give me the extra pashmina at all. I just need to learn from this or stop buying!!! I went back to the guy at the spice stall and bought loads of spices to take home as gifts. He then told me he could take me to a place in the village where all of these stalls get their things from and I could buy things really cheap. He had been really kind to me so like a complete and utter prick I got on the bus with him to this place he told me about and realised that this guy was no better than everyone else. He had brought me to a place where you buy rubies and sapphires. No doubt he would get commission for anything I bought too. I couldn't believe the dishonesty of these people and their pure burning desire to rip tourists off to make a buck. I was starting to like Sri Lanka less and less. Everyone seems to have a hidden agenda. Even Fareena's brother in law, the guy who worked at the saree shop who offered me to stay at his place with the ladies from the shop, had got my number from Fareena and was texting me saying he misses me and that I shouldnt tell anyone he was texting me.  I am feeling seriously tempted to run some havoc in this place! My kindness and trusting nature was getting me into some predicaments. Luckily no dangerous ones but ones where I was spending way too much money! I can't understand why I am being like this because I would never in a million years be so stupid in England and would always look around for the best prices so why was I being stupid here?  Anyway, I left the jewellery place empty handed saying that a commitment like that would require me to do research first. The guy that took me there must have been pissed!! Hahaha! Idiot! Anyway, I got back to Kandy central and walked to eat in the Muslim Hotel, a place recommended by lonely planet. I ordered fish curry and rice which was ok, very spicy but the side of Dahl helped!  I felt depleted and vulnerable and didn't feel much like facing anymore people after the day I had so I just went back to my guesthouse armed with loads of chocolate. 

Thursday 10th May 2012 - Kandy, Sri Lanka

I woke up at like 4am today - still in Nilambe mode! My headache was still so prominent so I drugged myself up with migraleve and ibruprofen and went back to bed. I kept waking up every couple of hours but going back to sleep until the headache was gone - which wasn't until 11am. I got up and got ready and left my accommodation armed with the lonely planet book that Nathalie had given me and the one Karen had given me. My first stop was going to be the lake and then the tooth temple.  I walked to the lake which was like 10minutes walk from Burmese Rest. It was just literally a lake. There wasn't really anything spectacular about it or anything that made it different to lakes in England but it was nice all the same. In the guidebook it warns you about touts that operate around the lake so when this one old guy came over to me constantly asking where I am going and if I want to see this that and the other I ran a mile (well ran across the traffic covered road to get away). Other than annoying touts, the walk around the lake was really nice -  there were lots of school kids walking around and they all giggled as I walked by, some even asked to take photos with me.  Whilst walking around the lake I came across the Kandy Arts Association, which I had read a little about in the guidebook, so I stopped to have a look at the bits and pieces they had to offer and also bought tickets for the Kandyan Dance Show later in the evening.  The guidebook told me that the temple of the sacred tooth temple was close by so that was my next stop. Upon entering the grounds this man approached me showing me his i.d card saying he is a guide commissioned by the government and started telling me what everything was. He was far too fast, loud and helpful for my liking and quite honestly, I really couldn't understand what he was saying. I then remembered something the book had said about guides offering their services so I pulled out the book and bam, there it was "freelance guides will offer their services for around Rs400, and free audio guides are available at the ticket office." I looked up at the guy and asked him if he was going to try and charge me for his services to which he replied yes. I then said thanks but no thanks and he went on his way. I wonder what would have happened if we got to the end of the tour and he tried to tell me to pay him and I refused!?! Would have been interesting to find out actually.  The tooth temple itself was very aesthetically pleasing yes, but was honestly the biggest money making waste of time. There was some special event happening today and the president was coming to the temple - this equalled a crazy amount of people, heat and waiting. I spent maybe two-hours there trying to see the tooth and actually got literally a second to see the caskets in which the tooth is in. You are in a massive queue of people that push you constantly so when you actually get around to the caskets you quickly get pushed forward by the masses of Singhalese people eager to see. By the time I had gone through the hell of being pushed and pulled everywhere I was so thirsty and fed-up that the free museum that was included in my ticket no longer interested me - I walked in and walked out. While I was in the museum my phone kept ringing like crazy - it was Shana. This guy seriously doesn't give up - if I don't answer the first time what makes you think I am going to answer the tenth consecutive time. When I got outside the museum I finally answered. He was telling me that the driver is going to be in Kandy in the evening and that he is going to send him to meet me to take me to see the Buddha in the mountains. I told him I already had plans but as usual he had a way around it, damn it! The driver would meet me after the show :-( I really felt kind of pressured so reluctantly said ok, just call me and let me know what time he will meet me.  Anyway, once out of the museum I was walking around aimlessly when a lady came from inside a restaurant and gave me a flyer for her restaurant. It was a Chinese restaurant and had wifi - I was sold. Whilst I stopped talking to this lady a guy who was standing close by was like "ah she's my good friend, I cook in their kitchen." She didn't deny it or anything so i talked to him. He then started talking about lots of random things and asked if I had been to the local market. He told me about the low prices and how I could check out a real pashmina. He was so friendly so me being the gullible idiot that I am walked with this guy to the market where I ended up buying way too much stuff and spending way too much money in one shop. Although I bargained I knew inside that I was being ripped off because the prices were close to London prices. Anyway, I left with my things and went to the Kandyan dance show. It was Rs500 for a ticket which isn't exactly cheap for Sri Lanka and to be honest the dancing was all over the place. Some parts were good and others just looked so unrehearsed and a bit of a joke. The finale was guys walking on fire which was good but overall the show was only an hour long. At the end the dancers also asked for tips - I saw one of the dancers who was sitting near the exit slipping some of the notes into his own pocket instead of in the tip box which was a bit shocking.  After the show I caught a tuk tuk to the restaurant the lady had given me a flyer for. I had just eaten my starter & was starting on my main course, and was in the middle of skyping my beautiful lickle bambino when Shana started calling me saying the driver would be with me in 10-minutes. Damn it!!!! Grrrr!! I didn't want any of it, I just wanted some freedom to do what I wanted to do and just relax but instead I had to ask for my food to be put into a take away box and wait downstairs for the car.  The driver came and it was the same guy that stayed at Shana's and also had to do the long ass drive to the kite-surfing place when I got the ear infection. I instantly felt sorry for him because having him take me to the temple on the hill was no doubt Shana's idea and it was already 8pm and the poor guy still had to do a three-hour drive back to Colombo afterwards and hadn't eaten. I tried to tell him that he could just drop me home and we could tell Shana that he took me then he could go home and sleep but he doesn't speak much English and I had no idea how to say it in Singhalese so we were stuck. The statue was cool - up close it actually has scaffolding all around it which you can't see from far away. We stayed for maybe ten-minutes then we left. He dropped me back at my place and hopefully then he went to eat! I didn't feel much like eating my food anymore so just went to sleep. 

Wednesday 9th May 2012 - leaving Nilambe Meditation Centre to go to Kandy

So after my last entry, things just went to pot! No more revelations or professions, in fact I am talking pure and utter deterioration! I couldn't even focus on my breathing anymore for longer than ten minutes. I managed to finish the book which I still say was amazing but there comes a point in Vipassana meditation where you are supposed to actually face your thoughts - mainly your problems. I don't feel the book went into enough detail on how to do so because it is for beginners, and as a beginner you are only supposed to focus on your breath. Me being me though wanted to progress from breathing because there is only so much time that you can spend concentrating on just your breath. According to the book, and probably most meditators, that means I am doing something wrong! Well anyway, Nilambe was not really a place for guidance, it is more for experienced people - I didnt really know the different until a conversation I had with Veronica (yoga teacher). I decided to approach her about how to deal with issues and how to "face them head on" (as you are supposed to) when meditating. In my opinion this is when things went downhill. She told me that as a beginner I shouldn't try to do that yet - I should go back to breathing. Well, from there on breathing and I were no longer friends! I am not experienced in the slightest to know whether I should still be concentrating on breathing by like day 6 but all I know is that it didn't focus my mind anymore. Within minutes I would move positions, fall asleep or have to get up. The thing that Veronica did help me with though, was telling me that as a beginner I should try guided meditation. She basically confirmed something a dutch lady had told me the day before. The dutch lady was really lovely. I had seen her everyday since I arrived and she always looked after me - so on my first day she whispered to me that there was another place to wash my dishes, then during chanting on my first night I got lost on where they were in the book so she kindly reached over and turned the page for me and pointed out where I should be. Just little things but things that really made me warm to her. We hardly spoke seeing as we are not allowed to but one day during lunch she sat next to me and told me that she was leaving that day. Her story was that her and her husband, who was also at the centre, had quit their jobs to come travelling and had been doing so for a year. Her reason, which touched me deep in my heart, was that she now knows the impermanence of life since recovering from cancer so now she just makes sure she lives her life. She had been meditating for 15-years and praised me for getting into it and trying to follow this path at such a young age. She told me something that I related to so much - that she had chosen the majority of this year travelling to different meditation centres because "unless you fix your mind, you can see all the different beautiful sights that a country has to offer but there is still going to be something missing inside" - exactly how I had been feeling before Nilambe. One of the things that Vipassana stresses and tries to get meditators to recognise is "the impermanence and unsatisfactoriness of everything". It is true.  Jantine, that was her name, told me that because I wanted to do meditating more and wanted more guidance, which she advised me to do given that I am a novice, then there was a very good place in Headington in England. Also she told me that if I ever headed to Australia then I should visit this famous English monk who teaches amazingly. She couldn't remember his name but said it was something like Brahma. I thanked her for looking out for me and she replied: " you are like my daughter. I have daughters around your age and I look at you and you are like them. I see you are so young and I just thought "Ah I have to look out for her". She said that if I was her daughter she would tell me how proud she was of me for following this path.  She was so warm and lovely and filled with such content that I was trying to find more from life. I took her email address so I could get the different recommendations in writing so I wouldn't forget. Veronica also recommended some places and found it so sweet when she found out I was a novice to both meditation and yoga. She said "you are like a child, so sweet!" So although I loved Nilambe so much much because of the beautiful surroundings and people, it is more for advanced meditators so I decided to leave.  Another highlight of the rest of my stay was that I made friends with me in eight years time. This girl is called Natalie but with a H, so Nathalie. She is 33-years old but does not look it in the slightest. She is from Holland, her birthday is one day after mine making her a pisces like me, and she moved into the room next to mine. We were like naughty little school girls whispering and giggling all the time when we are supposed to be in silence. We annoyed the girl in the next Kuti because we kept talking so we tried to keep hush hush. On my last day she didn't go to the meditation classes because she was tired (she was struggling with meditation like me!) but everyone was gone so we just spoke openly and loudly without a care in the world.  She was giving me all these recommendations on places to go in Sri Lanka and ended up just giving me her lonely planet guidebook seeing as she was going home - the book had all her notes on places to stay and visit. She also gave me contact details for drivers as well as a pair of her amazing harem pants to take to a tailor to get a pair made for myself - she trusted me to send them back to Holland when I get back home (of course I am going to but I just want to emphasise the kind of relationship we built so quickly!). So apart from being amazingly generous, like me she had also had a boyfriend at around 20 that she still calls the love of her life. They still wanted to be together but the timing was always off (when she was single he had a girlfriend and vice versa) but then he got his girlfriend pregnant :-( She was absolutely devastated. My heart went out to her completely because all I had to do was picture how I would feel if Hugh had a baby or got married to someone other than me.  At the age of 32 she only just found another guy which she is in love with (obviously not in the same way) so we joked about how I am now going to be single for 7years seeing as me and her are so similar. Anyway we switched numbers and plan to meet when we're both back home. She has been travelling for a year, mainly in India, and is heading back home in the next couple of weeks.  So anyway, I left Nilambe on the 10th day. When I arrived Upul said he thought I would only last a couple of days so 9 full days is quite an achievement.  My stop after Nilambe is Kandy. I got a tuk tuk all the way from the centre, I refused to do that awful bus ride again! Upul recommended for me to stay at the Burmese Rest guesthouse. It is a monastery and guesthouse at the same time.  The ride down from Nilambe was totally beautiful. The driver was so lovely and smiled constantly and stopped for me to take photos whenever he saw that I was interested in something. Once out of the mountains we went through Peradeniya where there is a massive modern-looking university. We then hit Kandy. The contrast was just crazy - loud horns everywhere, a train accident, mad drivers, and just pure hecticness! I kid you not, I got a headache immediately after hitting the city - I hadn't had a headache at all at the centre. Ok so one thing I forgot to mention was that whilst I was at Nilambe meditation centre I was getting text messages from Shana, the guy who had been so lovely to me & was looking after my backpack while I was at the meditation centre. The text messages were not the kind of messages I would expect from him given the trust I had put into him and the fact that I saw him more like a Dad! He was telling me he misses me blah blah blah and calling me constantly. I didn't reply given that I was at a meditation centre trying to escape the outside world, and also I am not supposed to be using my phone. Anyway, there was eventually a message saying that if he didn't hear from me by the 15th he was coming to find me because he was worried - I am sorry if this sounds rude but it is not his responsibility to be checking up on me or worrying about me - not even my parents are doing that so why should I need to check in with him. Anyway, I replied to him saying I was fine and that I was leaving the centre the next day and that I would call him once I left. Well anyway then my phone died, kind of expected given that I hadn't charged it for like 10days! I had decided to head to Kandy for a few days seeing as I was near there and to save me coming back. Anyway when I arrived at the guesthouse there were no plug sockets in my room and the one power socket that was outside the room was a communal socket that everyone used to charge their phones - it was in use. I decided not to wait but instead I wanted to look around. I saw an Internet cafe and that was my first stop. I spent two hours catching up on my emails and Facebook and was absolutely freaked out when I looked on my wall and saw firstly, that Shana had posted a photo of me from my facebook photos on my wall, and then upon further investigation, had posted loads others on his wall calling me his miracle, and also saved one of my photos as his cover photo. This was too weird. I was seriously freaked out. All my stuff is at his house and this guy seems like he's in bloody love with me. I literally just want to go and pick up my stuff and leave but I hate to be rude. I know he wouldnt cross any lines but still, this is not a good predicament and I dont know what to do :-(

Thursday 3rd May 2012 - Nilambe Meditation Centre

Although this is only one day after my last entry, I have to write it because today has been a bit of a breakthrough. The book that I mentioned yesterday, "Mindfulness in Plain English" has helped me so much. I got to a part where it talks about looking at a pain as it happens - so say for instance while meditating; if I get pain in my legs, (which happens all the time) rather than changing position (which is usually my immediate reaction), I should first try diverting my attention to the "pain" and just watch it "mindfully". In the afternoon there is an unguided yoga session so after realising how energised and good the morning yoga makes me feel, I decided that I would try it on my own today for the first time - normally I just read during this hour. At the end of my session I decided that I would try the seated plank. This is where you have your knees at a 90 degrees angle with your back straight against a wall - so basically sitting down without a chair. So far when I feel a sensation or do a stretch that hurts I usually put my concentration into actually feeling it and give up with the position. Today, however, after reading this section in the book, I took my conscious mind and separated it from actually feeling the pain and just analysed it from afar - the pain instantly numbed. You would never believe it unless you try it but our conscious mind unconsciously feels the pain as well usually and heightens it with all the thoughts of pain. Just stopping the thoughts made such a difference. I left my yoga session feeling so light and peaceful at this first breakthrough, it really gave me the kick i needed and showed me that what I am doing does actually work. That evening in the group meditation session I applied the same technique to the pains in my legs whilst meditating in the seated position. I generally change position first after say 7-minutes and then usually again and again. Today I just diverted my conscious mind from my breathing and onto the pain and managed to stay in the same position for half an hour. The session is an hour but I can only last currently for half an hour. Also in the session I managed quite easily not to fall asleep and still felt energised afterwards - hence this entry! I am full of positivity and looking forwards to what's to come. 

Wednesday 2nd May 2012 - Nilambe Meditation Centre

At the time of writing this I am on my third full day at Nilambe Meditation Centre. I arrived on the 29th April 2012 at around 2.30pm. I came to the centre with no prior knowledge or experience on the act of meditation but from what I had read on their website, it could help with changing your thought process and bring inner peace. I had no idea how though. Back home I regularly get depressed and find myself with no faith or hope. I was pretty much at a dead end and was willing to try anything to see if it could help. Yes it sounds a lot like the book 'Eat, Pray, Love. The truth is, I got the meditation idea from the book after a friend kindly bought me a copy after hearing of my breakup and travel plans.  I was heading to Sri Lanka anyway so decided to look up meditation centres there. Then I found Nilambe Meditation Centre. The meditation technique practised there was Vipassana - which honestly meant very little to me at the time of deciding to go there - all I knew was that there were some key words in the description that grabbed me.  The schedule was long; starting at 4:45am and finishing at 8pm. There was no electricity or hot water at the place and you only ate two vegetarian meals a day. Whilst in London everything listed above scared the life out of me - they were way out of my comfort zone, but this kind of change was something that I felt was needed. I didn't know what to expect with regards to the meditation so was going there with an open mind. So here I am on day 3. I didn't want to bore everyone with day to day commentaries because to be honest, nothing earth shaking or life altering has really happened to me, well as far as I am aware.  To start with I want to tell you about the place. It is high in the mountains. To get here I had to take a intercity bus from Colombo to the botanical gardens in Kandy. Then from there I had to take a local bus up these crazy winding roads. The roads were basically single lanes built around the outside of the mountains. The mountains were very steep and seemed to go on forever and were covered with beautiful tropical trees. Every now and then there was a sparkle through the trees - a beautiful waterfall. All of this beauty was pretty hard to appreciate given the bus. In perhaps 32 degrees Celsius heat I am on a creaky bus filled with people who were pushed in like sardines. You thought London Underground in rush hour was bad?! Think your morning rush hour train with faces squashed up against the doors and all, now times the amount of people by five. Think your average 'packed' bus in London with three rows of people squashed in the isle. This is honestly no exaggeration. To make matters worse, the bus driver was taking the corners and the entire bumpy route like a formula 1 driver but one wrong and we could fly over the edge of the mountain. Most of the corners were blind ones so the driver was constantly pounding on the horn but not slowing down so if there was another vehicle coming it really wouldn't have made much of a difference. Every time the driver did slow down or stop he slammed on the brakes sending everyone forward. Holding onto the bar - which I had to reach by stretching over the row in front of me (I was standing in the middle of the three isle rows ), was such a workout. You definitely don't need gyms in Sri Lanka - just catch the bus for an hour journey and honestly your arms will be aching so bad. The whole anxiety and uncomfortability was heightened by the loud Asian music that was blasting through the bus. The tempo was fast and furious and felt like in the movies where music is used to emphasise a feeling. Once off the bus safely I then had to catch a tuk tuk up this even more narrow road that lead directly to the centre. Cars nor buses can reach the centre and the walk is 4km. The road is more like a bumpy dirt trail with rocks all over the place. I seriously felt like I was going to vomit as I was thrown from side to side, back and forth.  I was dropped at the gates of the centre where there was a sign saying "Quiet". This immediately reminded me of one of the major practices of the centre - Silence at all times except for during a half an hour tea break at 3.30pm.  I walked to the office and met Upul - the man who ran the centre. He was a tall slim man of about 40 and wore all white. He invited me into the office and told me to take a seat. He then said nothing.....i was a bit uncomfortable but understood that one of the Buddhist precepts is to avoid mindless talk so I sat and looked around observing the office. I then noticed in front of me there were some laminated pages. There were many rules - women were not allowed to leave the grounds (upon further investigation I discovered that in the past there had been assaults on women outside of the grounds). Women were not allowed to wear tight or revealing clothing - that means no low cut tips or sleeveless tops. No talking on phones or listening to loud music. If leaving the centre for any period of time we should inform management. These were the ones that stood out to me.  Upul said I should join the evening group meditation class and in the meantime I could look around, cover my shoulders, and I guess get prepared. The library wasn't open until the next day but I was pretty eager to get some reading in before going to my first session so Upul gave me a book to read that he had written called "Be an outsider". I finished the book the same day and it basically tells you that in order to truly understand yourself and how your mind works, you should separate your conscious mind away from your body and feelings and just observe with out connecting to them or getting caught in them. The practice is about alertness and awareness to what is going on in your mind.  My first session was a bit rubbish because I think I actually fell asleep. There is a really fine line between closing your eyes and being alert and aware to actually sleeping - it had been a long day I guess!! The rest of the sessions haven't been much better if I am honest although the book I am reading "Mindfulness in Plain English" is helping me to understand the practice a bit better. I am supposed to meditate whilst concentrating on my breath - the point at which the breath enters and leaves my nose. The difficult part is that whilst I am supposed to concentrate on it, I am not supposed to try and control it - I should simply step back and observe it. Not easy believe me. The problem is, and what meditation is for, is that thoughts always come along and your conscious mind is, without you even noticing, no longer concentrating on your breath but on the thought. The main thing to note, although it is very difficult to understand or know without reading a good book or speaking to the right person, in simple terms, is that learning to control your mind and disciplining it now is basically mind training. At first I couldn't understand because the beauty and serenity of my environment means that I am not really haunted by emotions or thinking about anything - but the training now is supposed to help me when I get into the real world. Honestly, I still don't understand how but I'm just going to go with it. Watch this space. The place truly is paradise though, I think it is now my favourite place on earth. All around is just pure nature. The land is just above tea plantations and above the centre are just trees upon trees. At night when it is dark you can see fireflies lighting up the place whilst the moon casts a beautiful silver light over the tops of the leaves on the trees. During the day, you overlook the whole of the hill country and a short distance away there is the most beautiful white tree with light pink flowers. It reminds me a lot of the tree I saw in one of Bamboo's tattoo books - its shape is unique and the pink flowers just blow so elegantly. Everyday around lunchtime a massive group of monkeys run havoc across the grounds; playing with all the clean clothes drying on the lines, play fighting with each other, eating the flowers and fruits and discarding ruthlessly of the bits they don't want. But most hilariously, disturbing the afternoon group meditation session!! I am probably the least disciplined meditator ever so when these hilarious animals are running on the roof of the meditation hall and fighting - I instantly open my eyes to check if I can see anything. I look up to the windows in the ceiling and see monkeys peering into the room. Everyone else is blissfully unaware but I can't help but laugh hard inside watching them wide eyed. Then a little baby monkey crawls over the window and peers in!! So cute.  The next session I was in I heard a fast patter on the roof followed by a long squeak and the sound of something hitting the floor. I open my eyes and look to that direction and there's a little mouse sitting there. I think it fell from the ceiling. One of the meditators that was doing walking meditation with his eyes open quickly rushed over to chase the mouse out while I had the biggest open smile on my face desperately trying to hold in the laughter. Even now I am laughing at the guys face who chased the mouse - wide eyed with such a sense of urgency. Again, everyone else was blissfully unaware. It really made me wonder if I want to miss moments like this through meditation. If it meant that my mind should not wander to see what is happening then where is the fun?! Maybe it will become clearer later, I don't know.  One part of the daily practice that I am loving is the Yoga. Everyday from 6.30-7.30am we meet for "mindfulness in motion" with Veronica, the teacher. She is such a warm, graceful and peaceful lady of such friendliness and gentleness. She is Spanish from Malaga and dedicated a couple of months a year from her life and work to come to the centre. I had never done yoga before coming here and she finds in endearing (I can tell from her reaction) when I can't do a position or when I am clearly dying! She gives me a wife smile and a reassuring look to show me it's ok to rest. One thing about the Yoga is, again, it should be done mindfully. You should always be aware of the body sensations rather than letting your mind wander to other things. Also, most importantly, as this whole practice is about facing things, however painful, right square in the eyes, it is important to try and stick with a position however painful it may be until you literally feel you body can't take anymore.  What else?! Ah the food! So although I was under the impression that you are only fed twice a day, there is a snack in the evening at 6.15pm where they give you something like cold toast or bread and coffee. Sometimes if you are lucky they give you the leftovers from lunch. The food is generally nice - although there is this really prominent smell to some Sri Lankan dishes which belongs to a taste that I really don't like - not sure what the ingredient is though but I also smelt it at Shana's. The smell alone makes me heave. Anyway, besides that any dishes with that distinct sicky taste, the food is nice. My first two breakfasts consisted of gruel. I ate it the first time and covered it in syrup but never again! The texture, the salty taste, just everything! Yuk! To accompany the nastiness they served dates, nuts and bananas. The next day they served chickpea curry with bread. For lunch, dishes were usually some kind of curried something with rice and a vegetable dish. No meat. Shana's mum had given me some toffee type sweets to bring with me so I usually treated myself with one at night and one of the rambutan I had bought on the minibus to Kandy. They served tea on numerous occasions throughout the day also.  The room, or Kuti as they call it, has two beds (luckily I am not sharing yet). The beds are concrete blocks with two foam mattresses (one is just like a mattress topper). I have a bedside table where I keep all my belongings including my candle and matches to light my room at night and early in the morning given that there is no electricity. Although on the website for the centre they said there is no hot water, they do in fact have one warm shower (depending on when you go there) that is heated through solar energy.  Anyway, today, I felt hugely honoured to be invited by Upul, the main man, to meditate with him. He told me to meet him by the library at 11.30. There was this little beautiful spot that I hadn't seen before. It was an area covered by flowers and brambles that had been tamed around this enclosure. I didn't fall asleep and Upul guided me through the process while we meditated. It was such a peaceful experience - set outside with the wind gusting in the background, the birds singing all around - one maybe a couple of metres away. It was beautiful.