Wednesday 2nd May 2012 - Nilambe Meditation Centre

At the time of writing this I am on my third full day at Nilambe Meditation Centre. I arrived on the 29th April 2012 at around 2.30pm. I came to the centre with no prior knowledge or experience on the act of meditation but from what I had read on their website, it could help with changing your thought process and bring inner peace. I had no idea how though. Back home I regularly get depressed and find myself with no faith or hope. I was pretty much at a dead end and was willing to try anything to see if it could help. Yes it sounds a lot like the book 'Eat, Pray, Love. The truth is, I got the meditation idea from the book after a friend kindly bought me a copy after hearing of my breakup and travel plans.  I was heading to Sri Lanka anyway so decided to look up meditation centres there. Then I found Nilambe Meditation Centre. The meditation technique practised there was Vipassana - which honestly meant very little to me at the time of deciding to go there - all I knew was that there were some key words in the description that grabbed me.  The schedule was long; starting at 4:45am and finishing at 8pm. There was no electricity or hot water at the place and you only ate two vegetarian meals a day. Whilst in London everything listed above scared the life out of me - they were way out of my comfort zone, but this kind of change was something that I felt was needed. I didn't know what to expect with regards to the meditation so was going there with an open mind. So here I am on day 3. I didn't want to bore everyone with day to day commentaries because to be honest, nothing earth shaking or life altering has really happened to me, well as far as I am aware.  To start with I want to tell you about the place. It is high in the mountains. To get here I had to take a intercity bus from Colombo to the botanical gardens in Kandy. Then from there I had to take a local bus up these crazy winding roads. The roads were basically single lanes built around the outside of the mountains. The mountains were very steep and seemed to go on forever and were covered with beautiful tropical trees. Every now and then there was a sparkle through the trees - a beautiful waterfall. All of this beauty was pretty hard to appreciate given the bus. In perhaps 32 degrees Celsius heat I am on a creaky bus filled with people who were pushed in like sardines. You thought London Underground in rush hour was bad?! Think your morning rush hour train with faces squashed up against the doors and all, now times the amount of people by five. Think your average 'packed' bus in London with three rows of people squashed in the isle. This is honestly no exaggeration. To make matters worse, the bus driver was taking the corners and the entire bumpy route like a formula 1 driver but one wrong and we could fly over the edge of the mountain. Most of the corners were blind ones so the driver was constantly pounding on the horn but not slowing down so if there was another vehicle coming it really wouldn't have made much of a difference. Every time the driver did slow down or stop he slammed on the brakes sending everyone forward. Holding onto the bar - which I had to reach by stretching over the row in front of me (I was standing in the middle of the three isle rows ), was such a workout. You definitely don't need gyms in Sri Lanka - just catch the bus for an hour journey and honestly your arms will be aching so bad. The whole anxiety and uncomfortability was heightened by the loud Asian music that was blasting through the bus. The tempo was fast and furious and felt like in the movies where music is used to emphasise a feeling. Once off the bus safely I then had to catch a tuk tuk up this even more narrow road that lead directly to the centre. Cars nor buses can reach the centre and the walk is 4km. The road is more like a bumpy dirt trail with rocks all over the place. I seriously felt like I was going to vomit as I was thrown from side to side, back and forth.  I was dropped at the gates of the centre where there was a sign saying "Quiet". This immediately reminded me of one of the major practices of the centre - Silence at all times except for during a half an hour tea break at 3.30pm.  I walked to the office and met Upul - the man who ran the centre. He was a tall slim man of about 40 and wore all white. He invited me into the office and told me to take a seat. He then said nothing.....i was a bit uncomfortable but understood that one of the Buddhist precepts is to avoid mindless talk so I sat and looked around observing the office. I then noticed in front of me there were some laminated pages. There were many rules - women were not allowed to leave the grounds (upon further investigation I discovered that in the past there had been assaults on women outside of the grounds). Women were not allowed to wear tight or revealing clothing - that means no low cut tips or sleeveless tops. No talking on phones or listening to loud music. If leaving the centre for any period of time we should inform management. These were the ones that stood out to me.  Upul said I should join the evening group meditation class and in the meantime I could look around, cover my shoulders, and I guess get prepared. The library wasn't open until the next day but I was pretty eager to get some reading in before going to my first session so Upul gave me a book to read that he had written called "Be an outsider". I finished the book the same day and it basically tells you that in order to truly understand yourself and how your mind works, you should separate your conscious mind away from your body and feelings and just observe with out connecting to them or getting caught in them. The practice is about alertness and awareness to what is going on in your mind.  My first session was a bit rubbish because I think I actually fell asleep. There is a really fine line between closing your eyes and being alert and aware to actually sleeping - it had been a long day I guess!! The rest of the sessions haven't been much better if I am honest although the book I am reading "Mindfulness in Plain English" is helping me to understand the practice a bit better. I am supposed to meditate whilst concentrating on my breath - the point at which the breath enters and leaves my nose. The difficult part is that whilst I am supposed to concentrate on it, I am not supposed to try and control it - I should simply step back and observe it. Not easy believe me. The problem is, and what meditation is for, is that thoughts always come along and your conscious mind is, without you even noticing, no longer concentrating on your breath but on the thought. The main thing to note, although it is very difficult to understand or know without reading a good book or speaking to the right person, in simple terms, is that learning to control your mind and disciplining it now is basically mind training. At first I couldn't understand because the beauty and serenity of my environment means that I am not really haunted by emotions or thinking about anything - but the training now is supposed to help me when I get into the real world. Honestly, I still don't understand how but I'm just going to go with it. Watch this space. The place truly is paradise though, I think it is now my favourite place on earth. All around is just pure nature. The land is just above tea plantations and above the centre are just trees upon trees. At night when it is dark you can see fireflies lighting up the place whilst the moon casts a beautiful silver light over the tops of the leaves on the trees. During the day, you overlook the whole of the hill country and a short distance away there is the most beautiful white tree with light pink flowers. It reminds me a lot of the tree I saw in one of Bamboo's tattoo books - its shape is unique and the pink flowers just blow so elegantly. Everyday around lunchtime a massive group of monkeys run havoc across the grounds; playing with all the clean clothes drying on the lines, play fighting with each other, eating the flowers and fruits and discarding ruthlessly of the bits they don't want. But most hilariously, disturbing the afternoon group meditation session!! I am probably the least disciplined meditator ever so when these hilarious animals are running on the roof of the meditation hall and fighting - I instantly open my eyes to check if I can see anything. I look up to the windows in the ceiling and see monkeys peering into the room. Everyone else is blissfully unaware but I can't help but laugh hard inside watching them wide eyed. Then a little baby monkey crawls over the window and peers in!! So cute.  The next session I was in I heard a fast patter on the roof followed by a long squeak and the sound of something hitting the floor. I open my eyes and look to that direction and there's a little mouse sitting there. I think it fell from the ceiling. One of the meditators that was doing walking meditation with his eyes open quickly rushed over to chase the mouse out while I had the biggest open smile on my face desperately trying to hold in the laughter. Even now I am laughing at the guys face who chased the mouse - wide eyed with such a sense of urgency. Again, everyone else was blissfully unaware. It really made me wonder if I want to miss moments like this through meditation. If it meant that my mind should not wander to see what is happening then where is the fun?! Maybe it will become clearer later, I don't know.  One part of the daily practice that I am loving is the Yoga. Everyday from 6.30-7.30am we meet for "mindfulness in motion" with Veronica, the teacher. She is such a warm, graceful and peaceful lady of such friendliness and gentleness. She is Spanish from Malaga and dedicated a couple of months a year from her life and work to come to the centre. I had never done yoga before coming here and she finds in endearing (I can tell from her reaction) when I can't do a position or when I am clearly dying! She gives me a wife smile and a reassuring look to show me it's ok to rest. One thing about the Yoga is, again, it should be done mindfully. You should always be aware of the body sensations rather than letting your mind wander to other things. Also, most importantly, as this whole practice is about facing things, however painful, right square in the eyes, it is important to try and stick with a position however painful it may be until you literally feel you body can't take anymore.  What else?! Ah the food! So although I was under the impression that you are only fed twice a day, there is a snack in the evening at 6.15pm where they give you something like cold toast or bread and coffee. Sometimes if you are lucky they give you the leftovers from lunch. The food is generally nice - although there is this really prominent smell to some Sri Lankan dishes which belongs to a taste that I really don't like - not sure what the ingredient is though but I also smelt it at Shana's. The smell alone makes me heave. Anyway, besides that any dishes with that distinct sicky taste, the food is nice. My first two breakfasts consisted of gruel. I ate it the first time and covered it in syrup but never again! The texture, the salty taste, just everything! Yuk! To accompany the nastiness they served dates, nuts and bananas. The next day they served chickpea curry with bread. For lunch, dishes were usually some kind of curried something with rice and a vegetable dish. No meat. Shana's mum had given me some toffee type sweets to bring with me so I usually treated myself with one at night and one of the rambutan I had bought on the minibus to Kandy. They served tea on numerous occasions throughout the day also.  The room, or Kuti as they call it, has two beds (luckily I am not sharing yet). The beds are concrete blocks with two foam mattresses (one is just like a mattress topper). I have a bedside table where I keep all my belongings including my candle and matches to light my room at night and early in the morning given that there is no electricity. Although on the website for the centre they said there is no hot water, they do in fact have one warm shower (depending on when you go there) that is heated through solar energy.  Anyway, today, I felt hugely honoured to be invited by Upul, the main man, to meditate with him. He told me to meet him by the library at 11.30. There was this little beautiful spot that I hadn't seen before. It was an area covered by flowers and brambles that had been tamed around this enclosure. I didn't fall asleep and Upul guided me through the process while we meditated. It was such a peaceful experience - set outside with the wind gusting in the background, the birds singing all around - one maybe a couple of metres away. It was beautiful.